


Sexy times are meant to be loud (it's not Byakuya's fault)

by shamelessllamapeanutthing



Series: In which Kenpachi and Byakuya fall in love and are an overall pain in everyone's asses [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Loud Sex, M/M, and they make everyone's lives difficult, attempted humor at least, kenpachi and byakuya are chaotic lovers, plus all of Squad 11, rukia is fed up, rukia's POV, sexual innuendo, so is Renji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29783421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamelessllamapeanutthing/pseuds/shamelessllamapeanutthing
Summary: Rukia doesn't want to hate her brother... she really, really doesn't...
Relationships: Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Rukia, Kuchiki Byakuya/Zaraki Kenpachi
Series: In which Kenpachi and Byakuya fall in love and are an overall pain in everyone's asses [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189139
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Sexy times are meant to be loud (it's not Byakuya's fault)

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'ed by the amazing [goldensprite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldensprite/pseuds/goldensprite)  
> Thank you bb <3 <3

Kenpachi and Byakuya often broke up to patch up, and, boy, could they really sell that idea, because make-up sex between the two was about ten times better than normal sex. 

You didn’t live through a bunch of life-threatening battles and watch your friends come close to death without learning to get used to the nightmares that brings on. Rukia was no exception to the rule. Once upon a time, she had honestly believed those gory, horrifying nightmares were the worst ways to wake up at all odd hours of the night… till her brother began dating Zaraki _ -taichou _ . 

Some nights she woke up to loud arguing in the gardens outside her window and it’d have been funny if it didn’t mostly tend to happen around 3 in the night, because Byakuya obviously never deigned to raise his voice so Kenpachi just sounded like he was calling himself the thousand variations of ‘stuck-up prick’ that the man seemed to have come up with. 

Those were still the better nights. 

… because  _ some nights _ she woke up to obscenely loud cries and moans coming from her brother’s wing. She barely knew what to do with herself, then. Clawing at her ears was the instinctive reaction but it didn’t do much to actually  _ stop _ those noises from reaching her. 

She didn’t want to think of her brother like that. 

She didn’t want to know Byakuya enjoyed being bitten or that Kenpachi demanded cuddles after they were done, or that this was something her brother  _ really _ didn’t enjoy. However, the two Captains seemed intent on all of Kuchiki manor (and by extension: Soul Society, and further: Ichigo and company) finding out, so that was exactly what happened. 

Not that anyone had the guts to look those two in the eyes and mention anything. 

What was even weirder was that the two didn’t even seem to be  _ dating  _ dating - they fucked and fought and seemed absolutely satisfied with the same ; blissful, in fact. Kenpachi had declared he loved Byakuya and Byakuya had given Kenpachi a key to the Kuchiki’s private  _ Senkaimon, _ which was very much a proposal in Kuchiki-speak. Although Rukia was happy for her brother (because as much of a chaotic menace as Byakuya and Kenpachi became when put together, Byakuya genuinely seemed pleased with how things were going), their night time routines had transcended the realm of  _ ‘you’re being uncomfortably loud, please stop’  _ ages ago, and entered the horrific realm of  _ ‘oh my god, go to jail, this has to be illegal’  _ now. 

So, Rukia ended up sleep-deprived and unable to give her brother any sort of answer that went beyond a scarlet flush and tongue-tied babbling whenever he asked her about why she seemed so tired all of the time. It was truly unfortunate, but at least her brother was getting his rocks off, which, according to Ichigo, he desperately needed. 

The volume and intensity of Byakuya’s grunts on most nights, only confirmed that statement. 

… and so did the gracious nod he gave Ichigo when the silly kid brought him a basket filled with lube and condoms and  _ sex toys _ as a gag present. 

(Ichigo was never going to be able to look Byakuya in the same way again)

…

They were having dinner together. 

Just her and Byakuya. 

Rukia had been feeling incredibly tired lately so she was honestly extremely glad. It truly looked like Zaraki- _taichou_ wasn’t going to show up that night, and Rukia could barely stop grinning. 

_ What a fool.  _

Really, the displeased turn of Byakuya’s mouth should have tipped her off.

A servant entered barely 15 minutes into dinner and meekly bowed his head. 

With cheeks flaming red, he said,

“He’s here, Kuchiki-sama.” 

Byakuya gave a quick nod of his head and the servant retreated. All the while, Rukia’s head remained swinging between her brother and the servant like a pendulum, mouth open in a somewhat confused  _ O. _

_ Then,  _ Byakuya smirked. 

_ Then,  _ Rukia realised what was happening. 

“Nii-sama!” She nearly shrieked. “I hope you haven’t-…”

Whatever she hoped he hadn’t, Byakuya didn’t care to know. His eyes were trained on the door, in anticipation of his lover. 

Or ex. Maybe. Rukia wasn’t up to date on the labels, really. 

As expected, Kenpachi was thundering in through the hallways minutes later, his  _ reiatsu  _ spiking and coiling ahead of him, tasting of annoyance. Rukia grimaced. 

When he stepped into the dining room, however, Rukia gasped out loud. 

He was soaked to the bone, dripping all over their mats. His face was twisted in an angry scowl that almost had Rukia running for shelter. 

“You fucking bastard,  _ again _ with the water buckets?!” Kenpachi roared. 

Rukia’s eyes bulged out. 

_ Again?! _

“I won’t let a stray mutt inside my house before it has had a bath.” 

Rukia wondered if there were laws against releasing  _ Bankais _ in residential areas. Then she took a better look at the dripping wet Captain. 

She began praying there were laws against fighting in general. 

“Now then, Zaraki- _ taichou _ ,” her brother continued on, as if he hadn’t just put his entire house under risk of demolition. “Let’s hear why you are here.” 

“You  _ shunpoe- _ d away before I was done making my point.” 

Despite the smirk on his face, Byakuya’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance as Kenpachi’s words apparently brought up rather unpleasant memories.

“I wasn’t going to waste my time on a point that was never going to be made. I have spent enough time with you to know there’s no reason or point to anything about you or your existence.” 

Rukia winced. Now that was a mean thing to say to your boyfriend. 

Said boyfriend didn’t seem to agree. He simply smirked. 

“Well, I am here to tell you what you desperately need to hear. You’re a stuck-up, pretentious idiot with a stick up his arse and a knack for pretending like he’s better than everyone around when he’s actually sad, irrelevant and lame!” 

Byakuya snorted. 

“I can say this for sure that I haven’t had a  _ stick _ up my ass since we broke up.” 

Kenpachi actually looked offended. 

“Take back that stick joke,” he growled, stepping closer. 

“Make me,” Byakuya challenged. 

“Oh, I am going to.” 

…

_ “Harder! Go harder! Come on, darling.”  _

Yeah, midnight runs to the kitchens hereby stood cancelled. 

…

Rukia was in Byakuya’s office the next day on some official business and the two of them got into a minor disagreement with Renji, when it happened. 

… and really, she should have been all too used to Kenpachi’s thundering footsteps and wildly spiking  _ reiatsu  _ leaking all over the place by now, she had no excuse… 

When the door was slid open with  _ way _ more force than necessary in any situation whatsoever, she and Renji jumped. 

“Bastard,” Kenpachi growled as his eyes found Byakuya. 

It wasn’t the cutesy nickname one would want to hear from their lover but by far, it was the only one Kenpachi seemed to use, and Byakuya didn’t look like he minded in the slightest. 

“In-bred street trash.” Byakuya acknowledged Kenpachi with a nod. 

“Oh, so his royal highness is actually going to deign to talk to me today. I am honoured.” 

If Kuchiki Byakuya wasn’t Kuchiki Byakuya, Rukia thought, he might have rolled his eyes. 

“You run your mouth all over the place and nearly put me to sleep then complain about me leaving before you’ve made your point.” 

“Why were you out with buttface yesterday afternoon?” 

For a second, Rukia felt offended because Byakuya had been with her the afternoon before, and they’d been playing this board game Byakuya was teaching her- 

“I can see him whenever I want. You made sure it’d be none of your business anymore when you insulted my  _ Bankai _ .” 

Kenpachi took a threatening step forward. 

“I did  _ not _ insult your  _ Bankai _ !” 

Byakuya raised a brow, unconvinced. 

Kenpachi’s eyes narrowed. 

“Listen to me, just- let’s talk about this somewhere our subordinates aren’t around to hear us.”

Despite his words, he didn’t look embarrassed in the least. If anything, he practically  _ leered. _

“You’re very tactful, today.” Byakuya unfolded his arms and stood up, looking pleased. 

_ Oh no.  _

_ Oh hell no.  _

_ … _

_ THUMP  _

“Is that the-…?” 

_ THUMP _

“Yeah…” 

_ THUMP THUMP… THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP…-  _

Renji and Rukia fled. 

…

The next time Rukia saw Kenpachi inside the Kuchiki Manor, she gathered her things for the night and left. 

She reached Renji’s within five minutes, heart going crazy inside her chest. It was the first night she was going to spend with Renji ever since the Academy and of course, nothing  _ like that _ was going to happen, but just the thought of his big chest behind her, his muscled arms around her, it was doing things to her and-

When Renji opened the door, Madarame, Ayasegawa, Kusajishi- _ fukutaichou _ and about half of Squad 11 was crammed inside his quarters. 

Madarame gave Rukia a once over and nodded in sympathy. 

“They come over to the squad barracks on some nights. We don’t stick around to find out when they do or when they don’t, though.” 

Rukia, however, was  _ pissed.  _

… and sleep-deprived. 

… and incredibly embarrassed. 

“Tragic. Now leave.” 

Bless Renji’s heart that he’d never not back Rukia up because you didn’t just say something like that to anyone from Squad 11 and expect to survive. 

…

That night, with flaming cheeks, they  _ did  _ cuddle and Rukia slept better than she could ever remember having slept. 

…

“So,” Kenpachi drawled, brushing strands of hair away from Byakuya’s sweaty neck. He laid a few kisses there before looking back into Byakuya’s eyes. 

“I saw your sister sneaking out with a tiny bag when I came in. Think she’s gonna spend the night with someone else?”

Byakuya stiffened, before his eyes narrowed into dangerous slits.

“Who?” he nearly growled. 

Kenpachi shrugged. He felt a wave of arousal shoot up his gut, his spent cock already beginning to feel interested at the murderous look on his lover’s face. 

“Let us make up,” Byakuya ordered Kenpachi, eyes still alit with intense fury, “And fuck me all you want tonight, for tomorrow there will be blood on my hands.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know Byakuya has killed before but he’s dramatic enough to say it anyways, lol
> 
> Comment and let me know what you thought.
> 
> Come scream at me about Bleach on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/shamelessllamapeanutthing)


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